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Dog Bullying Behavior Has Neighbor in Uproar


This dog owner was encouraged to recognize dog play and build confidence.

Dear Joan,

My dog is a 16-pound cocker spaniel and the anti-alpha dog. My neighbor has a tiny Pomeranian that’s an absolute nightmare. Every time we walk by, the owner wants me to let my dog off leash to have a “play date” with her psycho dog. The pom “nips” at my dog non-stop, while mine just lies down or cowers and takes the abuse. Very alpha for such a tiny little devil.

The Pomeranian’s owner thinks her dog is playing, but she is biting at the throat, face, and legs of my dog. Do I just avoid them or is there a way I can get my dog to stand up to this bully?

Our neighborhood does things together a lot and it might be weird if word got out that “I don’t like her bully of a dog.” Maybe I could punt her like a little football across the street when my neighbor’s not looking? This is Texas after all.

Anxious in Austin


Dear Anxious,

Hey, I’m all for “Keep Austin Weird,” and I can certainly understand how upsetting it can be when our “kids” get picked on, but I’d say it’s best to refrain from physically punishing any animal, so let’s go a different route, shall we?

As a dog mom and certified professional dog trainer I’ve learned to recognize the appropriate behaviors associated with healthy “dog play.” In a nutshell, “normal doggy play” is the practicing of the many behaviors dogs would need in order to survive in the wild long enough to pass on their genes.

Imagine your little Cocker, out on her own, hunting for food, chasing down prey, running away from predators, finding a mate, and making babies. Of course we know they won’t need to do any of this, right? We feed them, spay and neuter them, (or arrange “marriages”), protect them from danger etc. But their DNA still says to practice and become proficient in all of these skills.

One of the most important elements of healthy dog play is that it be reciprocal amongst all parties involved. So if the Pom is the one doing all the initiating, then getting turned down, going “non-stop” and not backing off after your dog said “no thanks, don’t feel like playing,” then I can see where she would look more assertive, or as you say “alpha”.

Although biting and nipping can be part of normal play, from what you’ve described, this situation doesn’t sound reciprocal; it doesn’t appear that the Pom is “listening” to your dog. Sure there are some dogs that would rather be chased, or rather be the one chasing. But it needs to be consensual. If one dog doesn’t consent, then it’s not fun, not “fair,” and in your case, brings a whole new level of stress to the relationship between you and your neighbor. I’m sure neither of you adults would put up with this scenario if it were being played out by human children, as opposed to canines.

Okay, so what is the best plan for you and your dog, while maintaining peace in the neighborhood? The following tips should help you get the block-pawty started:

  • Help your Cocker learn to trust the Pomeranian: Pack up your treat pouch with little pieces of the yummiest food you have; something your Cocker will do back flips for. Then, whenever you go for a walk, give your dog pieces of the tidbits, but ONLY when the Pomeranian is around! If the Pom isn’t around, no steak for your Cocker. With repetition and consistency, your dog will start to associate “My Pomeranian neighbor = steak!” You’ll know it’s working when your dog looks at the Pom, then at you, almost saying “Where’s my steak?” I would also add in some “Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader” behavior on your part – “Yippee! There’s the Pomeranian!” As opposed to wanting to play kicker for the Dallas Cowboys.
  • Help your dog build self-confidence around the Pomeranian, (and other dogs of this nature): Again, you’re going to carry treats with you. But this time you’re going to focus in on your own dog’s behavior, and not what’s going on in her environment. Reward-reward-reward! You are going to reward your dog, with a yummy treat and lots of praise (cheerleading), for bravery! At first it will be just for looking at the Pomeranian, progressing to your dog walking closer and closer to the Pom, then eventually having the Pom walk towards your dog. And finally greeting each other. Of course advancing only if it is safe for all parties involved.

Having a basic understanding of what appropriate dog play is, a plan to help your Cocker overcome her shyness and build confidence, and a few ideas of how to handle your neighbor and her Pomeranian, should all add up to peace in the ‘hood. With time and consistency, the dogs might be the ones planning the next block party.


Dear Inquisitive Canine is written by Joan Mayer and her trusty sidekick, Poncho the dog. Joan is a certified professional dog trainer and dog behavior coach. Poncho is a 10-pound mutt who knows a lot about canine and human behavior. Their column is known for its simple, commonsense approach to dog training and behavior, as well as its entertaining insight into implementing proven techniques that reward both owner and dog.

[AUTHOR: Joan Hunter Mayer]

August 16, 2014

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